That was a long time ago. And I don’t remember any spitting.
Just forget about it.
Yeah, no. I think I’ll pass.
It’s fucking sad but true.. you can only count on yourself and trust yourself.
It’s not that you don’t deserve it.. this town and the people in this town just fucking blow and fuck up everything..
Yeah, no doubt about that.
It’d be nice to just run away, you know. Like what you did a few weeks back. How was that, by the way?
You know what’s not fair? You being mad at Danielle or me for that. Me and you were over, you weren’t a part of my life anymore. You should’ve moved on and not make a fucking big deal out of it that I was with one of your “friends”. Seriously Naomi you don’t want to sound obsessive but you do sound like it now! As if I can’t date anyone just because I used to be in a relationship with you.
How many times do I have to tell you that you should’ve told me all that! I don’t get it, you never said anyting and now all of a sudden you yell at me for not knowing how you felt? You didn’t tell me shit and trust me, that made me feel like fucking crap too!
It’s bullshit that you think I cheated so you would start caring about me. To get attention from you. That’s something that teenage girls do. The reason I cheated because I knew you’d never give me what I wanted and I didn’t see the point of trying anymore because you didn’t even bother to let me know how you felt.
Of course having a girlfriend means something to me, I’m not heartless. Do you think you weren’t on my mind when I was with someone else? Of course you were, I was fucking hurt too.
Christ I hate admitting that but I was.
You weren’t able to give me able to give me attention, or love or whatever and my last attempt to save us was by almost telling you that I loved you because I thought that maybe, just maybe you’d be able to tell me you did too and I wouldn’t have to look for it elsewhere.
That’s the fucking problem with me. People get mad at me for saying things I shouldn’t but when I decide to shut up I still get in trouble. What more do you people want from me?! You call it obsessive, I call it being polite and actually stopping, at least trying, to think about what to do but it’s hard to figure out something when you’ve got all the pressure of losing someone and possibly yourself on your shoulders. Not that I expect you to know anything about that. You never once had me sit down and ask me what’s wrong. You let me to myself when I needed you the most.
What you’re saying is I wasn’t worth it? I wasn’t worth fighting for. Why couldn’t you just say it like that? This conversation could’ve been over already and we’d be back to being strangers like the beginning. Isn’t that what you want? That you never met me. That you never got to know me and my fucked up self.
No, don’t answer that. You keep saying that you have more reasons I don’t know about for me to hate you but I never once said I hated you. But now that I think about it, I fucking hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you more than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t need this. All this yelling and pointing fingers because we could go all night. I don’t need this. Especially from you.
Just forget anything happened in the past what, year, okay? It’ll be easier on both of us. And possibly on everyone else that comes along on the way. I’m going home.
It’s really nothing. I just can’t take this town or the fucking people here… even my fucking family can kick rocks for all I care.
That’s the thing about life. You just can’t rely on anyone anymore.
I thought I could have a fresh start when I came back here but I guess I don’t deserve one.
I can tell. What’s up?
FYI, I almost got Helena pregnant - she got mad at me, not the other way around. Terri and I just lost contact, long distance relationships don’t work. And God, don’t pretend you actually give a flying fuck about Danielle. I know you were glad me and Dani were over, don’t lie.
Jenn and I haven’t even done much. We weren’t together and she left as soon as she appeared. I had no feelings for her, neither did she for me.
But you couldn’t have known because you just concluded and assumed you were right about it.
Do you really want me to be that straight forward? I’m pretty sure you don’t and I won’t because it’ll only give you another reason to hate me.
I don’t think you even realize that you were the one who changed first. If you stayed your annoying but cute and funny self, I wouldn’t have done it. So fine, you’re right I don’t see what I did wrong except that maybe I shouldn’t have messed around with other people. But you caused it. I did it because I wanted you to like me back and maybe you did but you never bothered to show me you did.
I would’ve grabbed you, told you all that if I thought it was worth it. But I knew that even if I worked on it, even if I worked my fucking ass off, our relationship would’ve failed because you didn’t show any signs of affection towards me.
Fuck, don’t start the shit that i didn’t care, because I fucking did. I’ve told you several times and to be honest I expected you to know, even if I didn’t tell you. The fact that I was there should’ve been enough for you to know.
I didn’t just ‘stop’ caring about you when I was messing around with others. You think that but I didn’t.
Okay, maybe that’s true but do you even know why I don’t give a flying fuck about her? Because both of you screwed me over. Believe it or not, Dani and I used to be on good terms until you two decided it was okay to get back together after we ended. Did you even think about where I would end up in all of this? I want you to tell me if that sounds fair to you.
You know how messed up I am. If there’s one thing that doesn’t separate me from other girls is the fact that I overthink. Is that a foreign concept to you boys? You have no idea what it was like on my end. You wanted those girls as much as they wanted you and I didn’t fit into your life anymore. If that was your method of making me care or do something to stop you from leaving, then it was a shit idea. Because it didn’t work. You act like you were the perfect boyfriend to me. Like you came in whenever I felt like shit. Like you encouraged me to get out there like you were. Like you told me all the time that everything was gonna be okay.
No, you didn’t. You didn’t say anything. You almost dropped the l-bomb on me but I didn’t want that. If anything, all I wanted at the time was to trust you before we moved up at all in our relationship. And you just expected me to know. That’s the thing about expectations. We start believing they’re gonna happen despite them being expectations.
Are you saying that you cared about me and another girl at the same time when you were with her? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Did the term girlfriend mean anything to you at all?
Okay, no. I don’t need this again.
Alright, maybe you’re right that i don’t know shit about you - but everyone with a right mind can see that you’re hurt, that you’ve been let down so many times. I really don’t have to know much about you to see those things. Of course you were hurt - i cheated on you, I’m not dumb but you did it to yourself. I don’t want to blame everything on you, but ou pushed me away. And everytime you did that you gave me more space to like Danielle.
You were enough for me, you were good enough - thats not a lie. And we were fine. In the beginning we were just fine. But I don’t know what happened, and eventually you didn’t want to talk to me anymore or did trust me. you pushed me towards someone else who was willing to give me love or whatever it is that we had, when you werent able to give me it
Worst thing is, you could’ve just told me that you went through a lot of shit. You could’ve said: “Hey Wayne, why aren’t we working out? What can we do about our relationship? Do you still like me? Can we do something fun?” or whatever. But you didn’t. You just told me I had to fight, but I couldn’t do that on my own. It takes two people to make a relationship work. You’re constantly complaining that I didn’t do shit when you were the one who wasn’t helping me make it work. I could’ve worked harder. I could’ve done that. But it wouldn’t have worked anyways.
I don’t fucking always toy around with people. That’s just what you’re thinking, you just assume that because I cheated on you and you hate me for it. I don’t just drop girls like a toy - most of the time it’s fucking obvious it was going nowhere. But again, you don’t know that.
It’s a shame really.
Oh, like you didn’t break up with Helena, Terri, and Dani. Were all of them going nowhere with your horny ass too? Remember your little fling with Jenn? I remember. Just stop sugarcoating it and just say it already. That you think I ruined everything. Don’t even try to break the blame evenly because I know for a fact that you don’t think it’s your fault at all. I was a stupid little girl who didn’t know what she was doing and decided it was okay to be with someone like you. And the fact that you still don’t acknowledge that you cheated on me several times in our relationship and didn’t once think about what it was like to hear from other people about what you were doing goes to show how great we were together.
How was I supposed to trust you again the same way I did when we started? Was I supposed to just forgive you everyday after you messed around with another girl? Was I supposed to take you back every time only to be disappointed again?
Yes, because that would’ve worked, right? Because you would have loved the whole clingy, obsessed girlfriend vibe. And you just said it yourself. That you could’ve worked harder. You could’ve done something to fix it. You could’ve grabbed me when I was over reacting and said, “Everything’s gonna be okay. I’ll change. I’ll keep my dick in my pants.” And it could’ve worked. If you had been desperate to make us work, that is if you actually cared, you would have tried anything to stop it. But you didn’t. And that’s that.